Jeff Pearlman

  • Twitter Icon
  • Twitter Icon
  • Twitter Icon

“all-shitheel” interview team

todd-pratt

I don’t actually know what a “shitheel” is. But one of my loyal blog readers wanted my “all-shitheel interview team.” What readers want, I supply …

C-Todd Pratt: The most arrogant steroid-taking .251 hitter a guy could meet.

1B-Will Clark: Simply put, a dick.

2B-Bret Boone: Could actually be an OK interview. But once he gained 40 pounds of muscle in six weeks, I lost interest.

SS-Tony Womack: Can also be a jerk at second. Rude and arrogant, with occasional breaks for indifference.

3B-Alex Rodriguez: Never actually bad to me, but completely, utterly, remarkably full of crap and inauthentic.

OF-Jim Edmonds: I actually had some nice times with Jim, but, man, is he a cocky SOB. Especially in his heyday.

OF-Jayson Werth: I will never understand punks like this. You possess such a marginal skill—why be cocky about it? Why?

OF-Marlon Byrd: Not good enough to speak to people as he often does.

DH-Albert Belle: Back in the day, put the wad in dickwad. A truly troubled and tortured man.

P-John Rocker: No shocker.

P-Arthur Rhodes: Inexplicably rude to reporters who try and sit in his chair.

P-Kerry Wood: Has probably changed, but a pretty big punk as a kid.

P-Mark Prior: His career is exhibit 1A why it never pays to be arrogant. Because the fall is hard.

P-Roger Clemens: Just because.

  • David Nieporent

    How about the all-shitheel interviewER team? Because I have a nomination.

  • Jon wells

    Apparently you never met richie sexson, number one asshole of all time. He would agree to interviews with guys, then mock their questions (like I’ve never heard that one before — get a load of this guy and his questions) to other players in front of the reporter….

    Shouldn’t Griffey be here? Former journeyman pitcher John halama was a classic dick too.

    I had much different experience with Arthur Rhodes — you must have caught him on a bad day

  • Joe Don Baker

    Who is David Nieporent? (Said to the tune of Pedro Martinez’s “Who is Karim Garcia?@ rant).

    Thanks for the list, Jeff. I always knew Will Clark was a fuckface. Interesting, too, that apparently Gary Sheffield wasn’t all that bad.

  • Kevin

    A couple of other nominations: Kevin Elster (big-time prick) and Jack Clark. Will Clark would be the MVP of this team, by the way.

  • Brad

    I just KNEW Jayson Werth was a shitbag. It’s hard to explain, but he just has that “look” about him. Like a “ain’t I cool” attitude or something.

    Albert “Joey” Belle is just way too easy… should have named it the “All-Albert Belle team.”

  • Marty

    Bobby Bonilla?

  • D.ROBERT

    So we all should just accept that all these players are jerks because Pearlman wrote their name on a list? Character assassination in the cheapest and lamest of ways.

    You should be ashamed of yourself Jeff, you once were a much better writer than this. New lows, man.

    • http://www.jeffpearlman.com Jeff Pearlman

      actually, i wrote a similar thing 15 years ago. so, if anything, i’ve remained consistently terrible.

  • j

    i’ve interviewed byrd before, nice guy when you can get him. he’s one of those tight pre-game schedule guys.

    womack once took offense when i said three rivers stadium sucked, as a pirates fan. he said it was a great place to play. that’s all you need to know.

  • David P.

    “P-Arthur Rhodes: Inexplicably rude to reporters who try and sit in his chair.”

    So why’d you try and sit in his chair? Sheesh.

  • D.ROBERT

    Glad you are proud of your work. You can always counton the Brads and Kevins of the world to drive your page counts high, as long as you keep up the nonsense. Please advise the rest of the world when you return to actual sportswriting.

    • http://www.jeffpearlman.com Jeff Pearlman

      You are welcome not to read this site. It’s your choice. Are many others out there.

  • I Cried Myself to Sleep on a Giant Pilla

    “i’ve remained consistently terrible.”

    That is the truest statement you’ve ever made.

    • http://www.jeffpearlman.com Jeff Pearlman

      it’s always the guy with the fake e-mail who makes these comments. ALWAYS. Nice courage.

  • Dan

    “OF-Marlon Byrd: Not good enough to speak to people as he often does.”

    I’m pretty sure that thinking you’re the authority on talent level required to speak to others makes you the “shitheel.”

  • J.W.

    Which marginal skill is it that Jayson “.267/.361/.473″ Werth possesses? If he’s an ass, ok, he’s an ass, but don’t impugn his skills when he legitimately has them.

    Why is Bret Boone on the list? Steroids? Did he actually do something to you or others? You say he’s an OK interview. So if he’s on the list ’cause he got big, where’s the entirety of the Mitchell Report? Jack Cust, that asshole!

    And the Mark Prior comment makes no sense. Did his shoulder injury come about because of arrogance?

  • Brad

    “You can always counton the Brads and Kevins of the world to drive your page counts high, as long as you keep up the nonsense.”

    Where’s my check Jeff? I’m not going to continue to drive your page counts higher until you start paying me in signed Sal Fasano bats.

  • Lisa

    “I had much different experience with Arthur Rhodes — you must have caught him on a bad day.”

    Or more likely you got him on a rare good day.

    Jeff, no manager on the list? I have a few nominees. But they’re still active so I’ll keep my mouth shut for now.

  • Jeff Pearlman

    C– LOOK AT ME
    1B– NOTICE ME
    2B– I AM THE STORY
    SS– MY FEELINGS ARE REAL
    3B– I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE
    OF– THAT SO MANY PLAYERS
    OF– WOULD BE LESS THAN CHARMING
    OF– TO A GUY WHO
    P– COMPILES LISTS OF “SHITHEELS”

  • The Most Interesting Man In The World

    Actually, I concur with David Nieporent. You’re a hack, in addition to a shitheel.

  • Jon wells

    No, lisa, I covered Rhodes regularly for four years (2000 to 2003) in Seattle and on the road. He was a genuine good guy with a funny sense of humor. Maybe he was different in other places he played and perhaps he benefited from having good guys like mike Cameron and mark mclemore be among his best friends on the Seattle team, but I never thought he was a bad guy.

Showtime Book
Love Me, Hate Me Barry Bonds Book
Sweetness Walter Peyton Book
The Bad Guys Won Book
The Rocket that Fell to Earth Book
Boys Will Be Boys Book

Once again, Jeff Pearlman has produced an exhaustively researched, elegantly written book that re-creates one of the most colorful and memorable teams of the modern era. No basketball fan's bookshelf will be complete without it.

— Seth Davis, author of Wooden: A Coach's Life