Jeff Pearlman

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Dear United Airlines—you are truly awful

Photo on 10-3-18 at 10.03 PM

Dear United Airlines:

I am sitting on your evening flight from Newark, N.J. to Orange County, Cal., and I just spent $20 on wifi (TWENTY BUCKS!?!?!?) to bring you this message of peace and tranquility: When it comes to customer service, you guys are just awful.

I’m not talking about dragging customers off a plane, or engines flaming, or flight attendants smoking in the back area. No, I’m talking about the little things. Like, say, charging us $7.99 (or whatever it is) to watch basic television (it’s actually more expensive on longer trips). Like providing a single, small-as-a-pimple bag of pretzels. Like charging SEVENTEEN DOLLARS for an hour of wifi, and TWENTY DOLLARS for two hours. I actually had a discussion about this with the guy sitting next to me. We came to the conclusion that offering wifi on this flight probably costs you, oh, six cents per person. Maybe nine cents, if we’re being generous. Same goes for TV—we all know it’s not an expensive investment.

But you charge us. Actually bilk us.

Screen Shot 2018-10-03 at 9.44.20 PM

And here’s what’s really getting me right now: My TV isn’t working. It literally will not turn off. All the other passengers have been provided with free TV and movies, because there’s apparently a glitch. But not here. Two flight attendants tried to repair my screen, to no avail. Then one placed a Safety Card over the screen, shrugged and moved on. So now, because I’m bored, tired, encased in a step tomb and insanely pissed, I dropped TWENTY DOLLARS on your wifi.

Just to tell you that I’m sick and tired of United.

Oh, and I’m not alone. There’s a consensus here, among the people: You guys suck. You don’t show any interest in passenger happiness. You don’t go above and beyond. You charge insane prices for seats with better leg room, even if those seats are available on less-than-full flights. You shrug at concerns, move on when people are irked.

I’m beyond fed up.

And I’m paying TWENTY DOLLARS to let you know.

Jeff

PS: And, yes, I know this is a first-world problem. But this airline is so unfathomably bad.

  • Joe

    I’m an infrequent flier, but as luck would have it, I am flying this weekend. Coincidentally into Orange county. But I’m flying American, basic economy. So I don’t think I’m even allowed to use the bathroom. I’m hoping the shitty middle seat I get isn’t flanked by two behemoths. 4 hours and 21 minutes of pure bliss. I’ll bring your book.

Showtime Book
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Once again, Jeff Pearlman has produced an exhaustively researched, elegantly written book that re-creates one of the most colorful and memorable teams of the modern era. No basketball fan's bookshelf will be complete without it.

— Seth Davis, author of Wooden: A Coach's Life