Jeff Pearlman

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Donald Trump and the small penis

Screen Shot 2017-10-12 at 9.09.54 PM

Back when I was a child, my grandmother, Marta Herz, used to repeat a saying that brought her great joy. “Jeffrey,” she’d say, “nothing is more dangerous than the man with the small penis standing alongside the man with the big penis.”

Now, I will admit, my grandma never uttered such words. But it was fun to type just now, and it also leads to an important point on this day of health care awfulness.

Barack Obama is, figuratively (at least) well endowed.

Donald Trump has a itty bitty wee wee.

In regards to the 45th president, I’m speaking literally. Though I’ve never seen the thing naked (ew), I’m all but certain his penis is the size of a sawed-off pimple. Because, truly, that’s how he behaves. The bluster. The shit talk. The exaggerations. The lie after lie after lie. I once attended college with a guy whose penis was, truly, a pin (we ran track together, and therefore changed side by side for an entire season). He was one of the biggest loudmouths I ever met. His dick registered a -12 in scale.

In case you somehow missed this, itty bitty wee wee 45 took a huge step today to kill Obamacare and, in the process, make it significantly more difficult for people in need to purchase health coverage. Dylan Scott breaks it down here. Now, one might think a president of the United States would aspire to, eh, help people; to make lives better; to care for the masses. But that presumption fails to account for a humanoid obsessed over his penis being 1/100th the size of his predecessor. That is why Donald Trump tries to undo everything Barack Obama accomplished. It’s why he talks nonstop shit; why he bashes, demeans, attacks, mocks, ridicules. He knows he doesn’t measure up, either mentally or emotionally. He knows he lacks his decency; his compassion. He knows he’s barely married to his model wife; he knows he’s a shit father; he knows he’s a greedy son of a bitch; he knows, when he urinates, he can’t see past his gut to his too-small-to-dangle projectile.

So, being the small-docked infant that he is, Donald Trump destroys.

And destroys.

And destroys.

I know there are Republicans who consider this to be a grand day. Well, you’re wrong. Once again, the five-deferment, never-received-a-call-from-the-Boy Scouts, likes-to-grope-women, fake-university-founding conman from New York had convinced you he cares. Only, Donald Trump never cares. About you. About your family. About Republicans. About Democrats.

He is all about himself. About ego.

One more thing: Puerto Rico is still mostly without power, and Trump couldn’t care less. Fires are destroying Northern California, and Trump couldn’t care less. He is a man who couldn’t care less. Suffering doesn’t move him. Tears don’t move him.

This sucks.

  • Jeffrey Davis

    Hell YES to this, Jeff. Thank you.

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Once again, Jeff Pearlman has produced an exhaustively researched, elegantly written book that re-creates one of the most colorful and memorable teams of the modern era. No basketball fan's bookshelf will be complete without it.

— Seth Davis, author of Wooden: A Coach's Life