Jeff Pearlman

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Don’t pose for photographs with jaguars

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One thing I like about this blog is the blessed opportunity to share life lessons with readers. A lot of people charge big bucks for this type of information, but I’m not that genre of human. I’ve walked the planet for 46 years, and I want to contribute ideas to societal betterment.

So, in God’s cherished name, here’s one: Don’t pose for photographs with the jaguars.

Seriously, it’s not that hard. They’re behind walls and barriers for a reason. They have sharp claws, sharp teeth … AND THEY WILL KILL YOU, THEN EAT YOU (Perhaps not in that order). So, seriously, leave them alone. Your selfie isn’t that important. And, if I’ve failed to mention this, THEY WILL KILL YOU, THEN EAT YOU (Perhaps not in that order). So stay away. Far away. Don’t view the wall as a minor inconvenience, standing between you and an important piece of documented history. No, view the wall as a wall, there to make sure you don’t get dead. Because, in case you didn’t hear this about jaguars, THEY WILL KILL YOU, THEN EAT YOU (Perhaps not in that order).

I don’t take pleasure in the misery of others. I actually feel sorta bad for the woman who scaled the wall at the Wildlife World Zoo in Arizona. First, because she was hurt. But second, because social media all but guarantees we will learn her name, and for the rest of her life she’ll be known as that idiot who wanted to take a selfie with a jaguar. That’s pretty inescapable material, and it’s not undeserved.

But, on the bright side, she’s not dead.

Showtime Book
Love Me, Hate Me Barry Bonds Book
Sweetness Walter Peyton Book
The Bad Guys Won Book
The Rocket that Fell to Earth Book
Boys Will Be Boys Book

Once again, Jeff Pearlman has produced an exhaustively researched, elegantly written book that re-creates one of the most colorful and memorable teams of the modern era. No basketball fan's bookshelf will be complete without it.

— Seth Davis, author of Wooden: A Coach's Life