The 403rd Quaz Q&A wasn’t supposed to be a financial dominatrix from Kentucky.
The 404th Quaz Q&A wasn’t supposed to be a financial dominatrix from Kentucky.
The 405th Quaz Q&A wasn’t supposed to be a financial dominatrix from Kentucky.
Truth be told, I had this latest interview scheduled for a month from now, after the two authors and the baseball player and the mechanic returned their 10 questions to the jeffpearlman.com stable. But here’s one thing I’ve learned about the Quaz, and it’s almost always true. Some genres of professions take their time. Some genres of professions really take their time. But people who work in the sex business—men and women, gay and straight, old and young—are always game.
Why? I believe in part because the nation still tends to view sex work as this to-be-marginalized thing, and you’ll rarely see a fetish photographer or erotic hypnosis practitioner appearing on, say, CNN.com or inside the pages of People. But it’s more than that. Folks like Goddess Kitty (not her real name) have a uniquely open way of being. They’re people who are proud of what they do and who they are, and aspire for others (whether they’re interested in partaking or not) to at least understand the profession.
Hence, today’s Quaz features a woman who works as a financial domme, meaning she gets paid to … well, um … read below and find out. You can follow Kitty on Twitter here, but be warned—she’ll brag about Kentucky pizza and poets you’ve never heard of.
Goddess Kitty, you are The Quaz …
JEFF PEARLMAN: You’re married. You work in the sex business. Fascinated what the husband thinks of this? Did you gradually explain it to him? Did he know from the start? Is it at all awkward?
GODDESS KITTY: I’m weird, I guess, but I’ve always been incredibly open about My love for sex and sex work with My husband. It’s not something that has ever been awkward, because it’s been there from the beginning. Had he been a bit more prudish, it never would’ve worked out. You see, I think sex is one of the most important parts of a relationship. Attraction, desire. And I knew, prior to ever even meeting My husband, that I wasn’t going to settle for a relationship in which I wasn’t sexually fulfilled, which, for me, includes this particular portion of My life. When you know exactly what you want out of a relationship going in, and can express that clearly, it’s much more likely to last. I understand that sexual conversations with our partners, of any level, can be difficult to have, but the amount of trouble we save ourselves is worth it.
J.P.: Why do you think online sex businesses work? What I mean is, nobody is having sex, literally, with you. There’s no touching, skin to skin, anything like that. So … what’s the appeal?
G.K.: If sex were purely physical, perhaps they wouldn’t work. But what sexual relationship have you been in that is ever only purely physical? Chances are, next to none. Why? Because we, as humans, can’t help but judge a person’s personality, let it alter our views. There is so much more that goes into physical attraction and release than just penis in vagina sex. We want mystery. We want a tease. We want to be entertained. Online sex workers can give you all of that. Online sex workers can play to all of your kinks, because their ability to morph into different personas is incredible. Not to mention, there is a layer of safety there. Not just physical, although that’s certainly a risk, especially in kink play, but also safety from exposure. If a very powerful business man, famous personality, etc. wanted to indulge his kinks, it’s much easier to create a fake persona online and explore incognito. No diseases to worry about. You know they’re not an undercover cop trying to bust you for prostitution. Overall, if you’re paying someone for sexual favors, seems like the best way to do so, or to at least start the interaction.
J.P.: How did this happen for you? Like, what was the impetus to enter the business? What’s your background in this area?
G.K.: I’ve been engaging in BDSM play since My first high school relationship. I’ve been exploring this side of Myself for a very long time, cultivating and growing the Dominate side of Me in both My personal and professional life. And I have loved every single step of the journey. I think if you engage in any kind of kink play, you learn fairly quickly that while it’s immensely fun, there is a lot of homework involved. Research. You have to learn about the kinks you want to participate in, because without knowledge, someone could end up very physically or mentally hurt. In the process of My researching new kinks, I found the FinDomme rabbit hole, and I’ve been tumbling since. It made sense, when I stumbled on it, because money was by far My biggest turn on, and beyond that, the Dominance came naturally to me. Like they say, “If you’re good at something, never do it for free.” Once I found FinDom, I stopped dominating it for free.
J.P.: Kinda random, but we have a president who is supported by the evangelical right who paid off a porn star he had sex with 10 days before the birth of his child. And I can’t really tell where America is right now. Like, are we more sexually repressed than ever? Less? What does Trump and his behavior say about ourselves, and our allowances?
G.K.: I don’t think it’s a question of sexual repression or not. I think that what we’re seeing is a shift in the way we view sex. That’s not necessarily a step backward or forward, merely a change. And it certainly won’t be the last change we see. I think it’s amazing that as a human race, we are able to grow, from one generation to the next, and we are able to morph into different things than we were before. I think every generation has it’s boundaries that get pushed, and this is no different. I think there will always be people who are behind, but it’s not best to dwell on that because they aren’t going to be around forever. Everything in this world is so temporary. So, I just push as much sex positivity as I can, and I hope to encourage others to do the same, in whatever way is healthy and best for them.
J.P.: A woman or man comes to you for services. They pay you. They’re married or dating. Is that infidelity? Why or why not?
G.K.: This is a very complicated question, and a lot of it depends so much on the situation. First, the privacy and security of my clients is of upmost importance to Me, so any that are married or otherwise entangled romantically will never have to worry about discretion. Second, I would say, more than anything, this depends on the submissive. As a Domme, I make sure that my subs always, always put their real world responsibilities first. Wife, kids, life. I understand that comes before anything else, but let’s be honest, who doesn’t have secrets? Some are deeper than others, some would hurt worse if found out, but everyone, everyone has secrets. They have things they hide from their partners, their friends, coworkers, families. And, we all spend money on things that bring us pleasure, be that food, alcohol, drugs, or a Domme. What I do believe is that exploring all sides of ourselves in a safe space where we know we are able to without any fear of judgement is so beautiful. It can really allow us to grow, and it can also teach us things we can bring into our personal, vanilla lives and grow and learn from. I believe that when we keep parts of us locked away and hidden it’s bad for our mental health, and I also believe that some people can be absolutely compatible in every way except sexually, and that it’s okay to admit to yourself that you’re not always fulfilled, and seek fulfillment discretely elsewhere, as long as you keep fulfilling your duties to your household first.
J.P.: Soup to nuts, how does one build an online sex business? Like, where did you start? What are the keys? What does one need to know?
G.K.: You make an account. Simple as that. Some bright, well-lit pictures. I did a lot of looking around at Domme’s pages on Twitter I respected when I set up My account. Find a style that works for you, and stick to it. There will be subs for you, that will love who YOU are, not what you think you should be. Learn about kinks. Really learn about them, because some of them are safety issues if you don’t. Be patient, because this isn’t a get rich quick scheme, nor will it make you millions overnight. Be expecting to put a lot of effort into making content. You’ll want to paywall the hottest content, so that people don’t get everything for free. And most importantly, be yourself. If you aren’t naturally dominant, if people don’t naturally love you, this probably isn’t the business for you. You can certainly try, and you very well might learn, but you will not be enjoying yourself like you should be, and you will most likely end up leaving.
J.P.: You Tweet a lot about smoking pot—which you do daily. And I say this with all respect, but why? Do you worry about the health ramifications? The apathy? Etc?
G.K.: Oh, you’ve opened a can of worms here. Marijuana is absolutely My first love, and I could talk about it forever. It is incredible the things it can do for the body. Do I worry about the health risks? No. Honestly, I feel better when I smoke. I exercise more. I breathe better. My heart rate is more normal. I will clarify by saying I do have anxiety, and it helps. After years of therapy and medication (since I was about 5), pot is the only thing that’s calmed Me down without completely altering who I am. Instead, I feel it enhances it. It lets Me feel more while also not becoming overwhelmed by it. It’s a miracle for me, and I don’t say that lightly. Because absolutely nothing else had worked. When I’ve lost My appetite, it helps Me eat. When I can’t sleep, it helps. There are so many different strains and uses, and so many things it can do and help you with. Coming from an area where opioid addiction is huge, marijuana could save these people’s lives if it was easily accessible, legal, and safe. Safe from being laced with anything, safe from having harder things pushed on them again by their dealers. I often take T-breaks. It’s healthy to set it down and walk away and reevaluate your life, but at the end of the day, as long as you are keeping track of how much you are smoking, and you’re making sure you don’t become a sloth, I really think it can enhance just about anyone’s life. It’s just about finding that right strain and the right way of getting high.
J.P.: What do you do for a job away from this? What are your goals?
G.K.: I work for a retail company, early in the AM. It’s boring, but I get paid well there, along with some great benefits. I don’t plan on staying there forever. I have a lot of side hustles too. I knit hats and scarves, I made bath bombs, cross stitch, occasionally dog sit. Any talent I can make money off of, I am capitalizing on. All of My long term aspirations are more creative. I would love to grow My sex business. My brand. Expand. But I also write often, and would eventually like to see Myself published on a larger scale, whatever that might look like, be it a poetry book, a novel, or a sex centered self-help book.
J.P.: Greatest moment of your sexual dominatrix career? Lowest?:
G.K.: The greatest moment? Honestly, there are a couple that stand out in particular, but they have a single thread in common. All of My favorite moments have been epiphanies of sorts for My subs. I absolutely adore a moment when they shift in their thinking, realize I am right, and I always have been, and accept what I am saying to them. This isn’t always sexual; I can be helping a sub through a difficult period in their life. But it’s always about growth, and when I can see that growth in My subs, I am the proudest Domme possible. The lowest? You can spend a lot of time cultivating a relationship with someone in this field. You can become friends. You talk about things that are so deep and scary, it’s impossible not to care about your closest subs if you’re doing this job correctly, and because of that, if one of your subs ghosts without telling you, it can be heartbreaking. I would say that 100% there are Dommes out there who don’t give a fuck, but personally, being left after weeks or months of cultivation and growth between us, with not so much as a goodbye, can be very hard.
J.P.: You’re a huge poetry fan, and an enormous E.E. Cummings booster. Why?
G.K.: Okay, let’s flash back for this one. Back to a little sixth grade Me in honors English. The absolute first day of middle school, and I knew no one. It was a brand new school, and all of the kids who I went to elementary school were bussed off to the old middle school. I had absolutely no friends. I sat down in my plastic chair, and I looked around, and I felt so small and scared, and I was so worried about My future. My teacher had a poem up on the board. “l(a,” by e. e. cummings. She gave us the first ten minutes of class to try and figure it out, to read it, and tell her what it meant, and all of us struggled. We had been conditioned to read things certain ways, to accept that this is what grammar was and this is what a sentence is and this is what a poem should be. And this was definitely outside of our comfort zones. After watching us struggle, she went up, and she explained everything we had just been trying so hard to figure out, and once she did, everything about it made sense, in a whole new way. Not the way of the world or the English language, but in a way that speaks to the essence of the human soul. The poem reads, “loneliness (a leaf falls).” That’s it. And entire page taken up for four words and two parenthesis, and it absolutely touched Me. That little girl who was so lonely took that poem and held it close. I went home, and I read everything I could by cummings. And every last piece was brilliant. None of them followed the rules. They were all so literally his soul on paper, with no regard for what was the “correct” way. He tossed every rule out the window, and he created something most poets can only dream of achieving. His uniqueness made him great. I aspire to that as well.
QUAZ EXPRESS WITH GODDESS KITTY:
• Why “Goddess Kitty”?: My husband has always called Me Kitty Katz as a joke. It stuck.
• Three things men don’t get about sex?: We want to be seduced every single time. I don’t care how long you’ve been married, if you want to have more sex with your wife, act like you’re dating her again. Women never lose the desire to be desired. 2. If you’re not sure if she got off, you’re doing something wrong. You should always, beyond a shadow of a doubt, be making sure your partner enjoys themselves. It’s not hard to make a woman cum if you give a damn about it. If you’re unsure, communicate that to her. I’m sure she wants to get off just as badly as you want to get her off, and she will help. 3. EAT HER OUT. No explanation needed.
• Three things women don’t get about sex?: In relationships, it’s just as much their job to keep the sex alive if they want it to last. If something is lacking, they tend to let it fester instead of communicating it. If you need more, say so. If you’re bored, say so. If you don’t, it’s on you when the sex fizzles out. 2. You can ask for whatever you want! You want more oral sex? Tell him. You want anal? Tell him. You want to be the boss? Tell him! You want to be tied up? Tell him! It is beyond okay to ask for what you need sexually, even if it’s a one night stand. Speak up for yourselves, ladies. And if you don’t feel comfortable telling someone what you need sexually, you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with them. 3. Don’t judge your fellow women for their sex lives. If they want to bang the whole basketball team, let them. If they want to wait until marriage, cool. If they want to fall somewhere in between like most of us, that’s fine too. But for the love of God, My fellow ladies, stop hating on each other for sexuality.
• Rank in order (favorite to least): Matt Bevin, Nipsey Hussle, Nick Van Exel, spiders, ripped blue jeans, the smell of marijuana, your high school history teacher, staplers: The smell of marijuana, My high school history teacher (all three, actually, I was incredibly lucky with that), spiders, ripped blue jeans, Nipsey Hussle, Nick Van Exel, Staplers, Matt Bevin (Can he be so far down that he’s literally on this list or planet anymore?)
• Three memories from your first-ever kiss: It was against these cold red lockers. The hallway smelled like the football team after practice. My girlfriend took Me by surprise and swept Me to the side and kissed Me, and I couldn’t breathe for a minute.
• The next president of the United States will be …: Let’s all write in My name.
• In 12 words, make an argument for Kentucky pizza: Goodfellas, Miguels, Mellow Mushroom. That’s all I need.
• One question you would ask Thurman Munson were he here right now?: What is it like to be undeniably extraordinary at something?
• What happens after we die?: Big question. I like to believe there is something out there, and that we are not completely wasted space that’s gone once we die, but I’m not sure. Sometimes, I do find Myself leaning toward reincarnation, but mostly because I think it’s just such a beautiful thought.
• Weirdest thing to happen at your wedding?: Nothing too weird happened. It was a very small ceremony. Only about ten people there, and we got steaks at Logan’s afterward. I never saw Myself getting married, but when you meet someone like My husband, you don’t ever let them go. The wedding wasn’t important to Me at all. I just wanted to be legally bound to My best friend for life so he could never run from Me.