Jeff Pearlman

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How to make the All-Star Game matter

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When Bud Selig initially introduced the idea that the All-Star Game winner gets home-field advantage in the World Series, I thought, “Bravo!” At long last, the modern ballplayer will take this event as seriously as Ruppert Jones did back in ’84.

Alas, last night’s game was another yawner. Players laughing, cutting up, etc. Some took it seriously, others clearly didn’t. It was better than the 2002 monstrosity, during which:

A. Torii Hunter robbed Barry Bonds’ homer, then found himself atop the cheater’s pimpled shoulders.

B. We were given a tie.

C. Selig was officially cemented as a turd.

But, really, guys just don’t care. They don’t. Not. At. All.

Hence, my idea: Immediately after future All-Star Games, the losing team is fed to gators. Not small ones, either, like from the crappy 1980 film, Alligator. No, the players are led to a swamp and, one by one, coated in cow blood and pushed into a swamp. Farewell, David Wright. Adios, Albert Pujols. Goodbye, K-Rod.

Admittedly, there would be some liability issues.

But the games would kick ass.

  • Michael Duca

    Well, I think this would significantly change the strategy of ballot-box stuffing, and might well lead to dozens, if not hundreds, of players suddenly taking ill All Star weekend….imagine the hilarity — “Giants fans, vote Manny, early and often.”

  • aznwatch

    somebody should blow this guy’s head off and put him out of his misery–seriously

  • PeteF3

    So, since when did a bunch of guys having fun become a bad thing?

    I want more moments like Torii being carried by Bonds and Larry Walker flipping his helmet around and batting the other way, not fewer.

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Once again, Jeff Pearlman has produced an exhaustively researched, elegantly written book that re-creates one of the most colorful and memorable teams of the modern era. No basketball fan's bookshelf will be complete without it.

— Seth Davis, author of Wooden: A Coach's Life