If you’ve followed the Quaz through the years, you know my favorite subjects tend to be sports, politics, journalism and online sex workers.
Why sports? Because I’m a longtime fan-turned-observer.
Why politics? Because I’m a junkie.
Why journalism? It’s what I do?
And why online sex workers? Honestly—because of all the people I’ve had here, they’re routinely the most fascinating. Unlike jocks, they haven’t devoted their lives to singular (and oft-monotonous) endeavors. Unlike politicians, they have convictions. Unlike journalists, well, I’m a journalist. So I feel like I’ve heard a bunch of the ol’ stories.
I actually first reached out to Madam Violet, today’s magical 339th Quaz, a good while ago when I was searching for new subjects. It took a long while to get this done, but it was well worth the wait. As you can see the self-titled “femme fatale” is a producer of hypnotic videos and mp3s who lives in England, has an understanding boyfriend, loathes idiots and once had a complete stranger buy her a £1200 YSL clutch bag. And while I don’t actually know what that is—it sounds impressive.
Welcome to the 339th Quaz …
JEFF PEARLMAN: So you identify yourself as a “Femme Fatale” and “clinically qualified in hypnosis.” But what, exactly, do you do? Like, what is your job?
MADAM VIOLET: My job is … hard to label. Primarily I make erotic hypnosis videos and mp3s. I come up with ideas, write the scripts, I do my makeup, I arrange the set, I film, I edit, I upload. On top of that I manage my social media, advertising, promotion. This is not hard work as such, but a lot of work. The hard work, I would say are the relationships I have with my subs/slave/addicts. I am an introvert and people for me are often draining; submissive men, ironically more so than any other ‘type’ of person I have met. But then this part can be the most rewarding, professionally, emotionally and financially.
I guess you could say I am a ‘dominant woman exploring her sexuality and female power through visual arts, and the minds and bodies of willing men’. Or Hypnodomme, if you’re in the scene.
My job is constant. This is the only ‘job’ I’ve had that comes home with me. It is me, there is no escape. It has been adjustment and I am still finding the balance. Ultimately most men are here to get off. That makes them selfish and at times abhorrent, and not all subs are actually submissive. For every genuine submissive that contacts me, I’ll get 10, 20, 30 time wasters/ misogynists in disguise/entitled mummy’s boys/loser fantasists.
My ‘job’ (vocation is a better word) is awesome though. I love what I do and I love even more how much scope there is for more.
J.P.: I was scanning through your Twitter feed, and you’re not completely averse to making political/ social statements. Here in America Michael Jordan, the basketball star, once explained his non-political mojo by saying, “Republicans buy shoes, too.” Do you at all worry about turning off potential customers by making your leanings public?
M.V.: Actually I don’t post very much politically at all. I think the first time was Brexit. In that instance I don’t care if someone is put off by my views. I have conviction and faith that I am not a moron, which is more than I can say for strangers on the Internet. So if my views offend you, I have to assume you are the moron. Being a ‘Domme’ means I get to be more of the real me than I ever could in a clinical or corporate setting. Unless you’re offering me something of value in my life I couldn’t give a shit what you think about me, or what you think in general. It is none of my business.
I do not care what a man ‘believes’ if he is simply buying my files. It is none of my business. But I would not want a man to serve me if he could not at least respect my opinion, I wouldn’t want his money either. Money is not the be all and end all. Being able to sleep at night because I’m not beholden to idiots is higher on my list.
In the UK (maybe it’s a bit different now with how shit things are) politics just isn’t a big deal, not like it is in America. It is not as extreme—I mean you guys debate thing like guns and abortion, the death penalty! All of our political parties are pretty much the same; really terrible and terribly boring/ moronic/cowardly.
J.P.: How did this happen for you? And I don’t mean the ol’ “I’ve always had a sway over men blah blah blah.” I mean, business-wise, what made you think, “Here’s a way I can make money?”
M.V.: Doing what I do is the culmination of lots of seemingly unconnected beliefs, daydreams, expectations and timing. When I was a kid I realized that if I could get 1 million people to give me a pound, I would be a millionaire. It always struck me how easy that sounded. I thought about it a lot. (this maybe came from watching the collection during Mass every Sunday, people just giving their money away for some ‘idea’.) That mentality has always stuck with me. I know that sounds like a bullshit cliche, but it its true, and I know this ‘free and easy’ mentality I have always had about money has driven my success.
Another cliche—I have known for a long time that men will do anything. If you give them the slightest hint (breasts) they may be in with a chance. In my experience men are easy to persuade, so why not persuade a rich man to give me one million in one go? So when my marriage ended the two beliefs kind of merged. I suddenly had this heartbreak, and then ‘fuck it’ mentality. I didn’t know how, but I knew I was going to use my wily, sexy ways to get me some bank, and have a shitload of fun doing it. Having been monogamous forever it seemed, I wanted sex, and I wanted money, and travel, and frivolity. I wasted a lot of time in a shit marriage so now it would be about me.
I typed ‘sugar daddy’ into the internet and found men seeking arrangements. That was the beginning. After a few online-only interactions I realised the obvious—I was not sugar baby material. I am not a baby for a start, and I will never call you ‘Daddy’ (gross). I will never pander to your whims or needs. I will point out, politely, every time you are wrong, I will never laugh at your shit jokes or stroke your ego and if you come anywhere near me with that tiny penis (barely visible over your hairy pillowy belly) I will punch you in the throat. But if you could just leave your money over there, far away from me, that would be marvellous!
This inherent attitude led me to financial domination. I was dabbling and still working on my vanilla therapy practice, making OK money on the side from financial submissives. Then I was told by a sub—I still remember his name—about femdom hypnosis, and the women who use hypnosis and mental conditioning to control men. That was when the light went on in my head, here was a way to combine my brain and my body, my intellect and my sexuality doing two things I truly love; hypnosis and messing around with male egos …
I believe things work out exactly as they are supposed to. The end of my marriage combining perfectly with the fact I don’t have issues with sex, or my sexuality, it is a huge part of life. I don’t have issues with money. Like it or not our society is based around it. I don’t have any issues with taking advantage of a man’s sexuality, it is what men have been doing to women for thousands of years. Men didn’t just take our property, we were the property (up until really recently, too. How quickly they forget…).
J.P.: How much of this business is based upon perception? What I mean is—you go to the bathroom, you have gas, you probably fidget and curse and stumble. You’re human. But is there a need to present a fantasy? Is that sort of the game?
M.V.: Of course there is the aspect of ‘fantasy,’ but how many people fart or pick their noses in front of their (newish) partners? I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years and there is still no evidence he shits. Either he has fairies that take his poo away in the night or he is ‘hiding’ this part of himself from me because it is not conducive to our relationship. Is it really deception to keep some things hidden, or is it not simply sensible?
I could probably make good money for farting on cam, or blowing my snotty nose. But no, that just feels wrong. ‘Madam Violet’ would never burp the alphabet. I might, though. I am human, a contradiction; I can be sophisticated and clumsy, I can be eloquent and sweary. It depends where I am, who I am with. I can control myself, show only one side of myself. We all do this in ‘real life’ every day.
Madam Violet —is ‘me’, just a ‘polished’ version of me. A part of me. A more calculated version of me. Still real, but more focussed, more exaggerated. I don’t go around IRL being all mysterious and sexy and staring into the eyes of men as I squeeze my tits together to get what I want (unless I am drunk). And we share the same morals and standards. For example I am not into the typical ‘homewrecking’ fetish, so don’t ever slag your wife off to me, you are lucky to have one.
I am a dominant, powerful, sexual woman who has a way with men and words is all real every day shit. Just toned down … a touch.
J.P.: What’s your background in hypnosis? How does it work here? How much of it is fantasy v. reality?
M.V.: Firstly, hypnosis completely ‘works.’ It blows my mind how many people think it’s a load of rubbish. It shows how uneducated so many still are with regards to their own mind, their own power and that makes me sad!
I have a diploma in Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapy and Neural Linguistic Programming, I am also and EFT practitioner and Reiki Master, and I have a diploma in Reflexology and Pathology. I did a lot of fertility work, hypnotic gastric bands, self esteem and phobia/anxiety, pain management. I offered a holistic practice in which I genuinely wanted people to become the best of who they are; to just be happy, healthy, empowered.
I had a lot of very serious and complex cases. I know my clinical training and experience means I am very effective in the femdom arena. I combine ‘real’ hypnosis with femdom themes typically an induction, a deepener and then the femdom programming.
Through my clips and mp3s my subs and slaves achieve vey profound states of deep trance. Many feel and recognize actual change occurring personality wise, and more temporary effects—memory loss, time distortion and wonderful gooey, blissed out full body feeling of deep relaxation … they enjoy the loss of control, the feelings of being overpowered, used and manipulated. It is intimate and sensual and erotic, and powerful. To give up control, to have it taken, to wield it … it is an incredible experience for the sub and myself.
With hypnosis you can go anywhere— you can simply de-stress, you can find inner peace, feel pain or deep pleasure, you can even grow breast tissue using hypnosis. The limits are your imagination and your wiliness to go there.
J.P.: Why are men so much more into [fill in the blank with phone sex, strippers, hookers, etc] than women? I’ve gotta think you’ve pondered this one. Is it a gender flaw? A gender perk?
M.V.: I have pondered it and written about it many times. My conclusion is that men’s stupidity when it comes to their penis is an evolutionary device. An average man can kill a woman with his bare hands. You are bigger and stronger than us, unfairly so. But you have one little thing that dramatically levels the playing field, and it conveniently dangles between your legs. It means that ultimately (for the civilized) women rule men. Behind every powerful man … is a woman screaming at him to put the goddamn seat down when he’s finished. And you put up with it because you want sex. And so continues the human the race. Women are also far more sexually self-sufficient.
J.P.: Every profession comes with a crazy money story; that story you’ll be telling to friends for years. So … what’s yours? The craziest/weirdest, funkiest story from your career?
M.V.: My career is relatively new, but I guess it depends on who your audience is. My boyfriend is on a ‘normal’ salary so what I earn month to month still blows his mind. With some friends I have learned not to talk about it all. There is a kind of guilt there, they work ‘hard’ jobs and I’m perceived to do nothing much. In reality I work really hard, too—the difference is I love what I do so maybe it doesn’t appear like work to the outside.
I remember my first-ever gift card. It was for 30 pounds. At that point I had perspective so it was a massive rush. It felt like a lot of money. From a complete stranger. For no tangible reason. I could get that million way quicker than I thought. Yeah, you never forget your first. Ha.
I always forget that I took over £4,000 in about a month from my first finsub, and this was only a few weeks into my new ‘career’ and I still wasn’t showing my face. To a ‘vanilla’ person having a complete stranger send you a £50 Amazon gift card would be crazy, £4,000? People can’t handle that. It really polarises them.
One man I didn’t know contacted me for permission to cum, so I told him to buy a £1200 YSL clutch bag assuming he would slink off into the land of fake finsubs, but he bought it. Straight away. I told him he could cum, and I never heard from him again. Sweet! Sexy, simple, easy and it’s a story friends love because it’s so stupid. Imagine a woman paying a man she’s never met over a grand just for permission to cum. It’s hilarious! Men bring it all on themselves.
J.P.: How has Twitter impacted your profession? And has social media made chatrooms obsolete?
M.V.: Oh, Twitter. Twitter takes up far too much of my time. I don’t get paid for Twitter, and yet I spend a disproportionate amount of time on there. It is something I am working on changing. I have never been a fan of social media. I have never had a Facebook account or Instagram, personally or for work until now. Twitter and I have a tolerate/hate kind of relationship.
I have a good interaction with my subs, though. My ‘likes’ to followers ratio is a good one. I like to talk to people when I know they are listening. If that makes me entitled or spoiled, so be it.
Twitter is a rabbit hole of noise and stress, I often have to mute conversations and people just because my tolerance for drama is really low. I have teeth marks in my phone and both sets off knuckles from all the times I have wanted to reply or comment on something I have seen on Twitter or Tumblr or YouTube. IRL I am always the one to say ‘woah, hang on a minute …’ yet online I keep my mouth shut.
Online is not an accurate reflection of real life; online is meaner and dumber. And bottom line—you just cannot argue with stupid. Unless you want to go insane. So I keep out of it all as much as I can, not because it is bad for business but because I value my sanity. Twitter has done wonders for my self control
I think real connections are rarer these days. Being connected globally and instantly is so good, but it is so bad, too. In my ideal world twitter does not exist.
J.P.: You have a boyfriend. You have, I’m guessing, parents, siblings, etc. How do they feel about your profession? Is it openly discussed? Do you share stories?
M.V.: My boyfriend thinks what I do is awesome. He is the type of man who loves the fact his girlfriend gets attention. He is not threatened by it, or by the money I make. He is proud of me. We see a lot of his parents and siblings—some know, some don’t. I honestly don’t know what they think as I do know that people rarely tell you what they really think. My job involves sex and money—two of the most divisive and controversial subjects. You link the two together and you’ve got a really touchy subject. We don’t really talk about it ever. They would never ask ‘How’s work going?’ like you would someone with a ‘normal’ job.
Stereotypically, English people are so uptight and secretive about their own sex life and their money, they just do not want to talk about those things. Sex is naughty, getting your tits out is downright rude, possibly slutty, and we may masturbate but we do not talk about it! For that reason his mum and dad do not know what I do. They think I am still a clinical hypnotherapist—which technically I am as I still have a handful of vanilla therapy clients ….
Then I have friends who knew me before Madam Violet. They think it’s mental but brilliant. They think it’s the perfect job for me. They’re proud of what I have a achieved, they love hearing my stories and it’s fun shocking them.
Generally I keep it to myself because people cannot help but judge, mostly negatively, and I do not want the drama, or the awkward silences and passive aggressive comments. I told my plumber once, and he said he thought it was brilliant. He didn’t have a problem with it all. In fact he said he used to ‘date a lass who got her tits out for work and I was totally cool with it. I only dated her a year though as obviously I couldn’t marry her …’
QUAZ EXPRESS WITH MADAM VIOLET:
Why Madam Violet?: Why not.
Ever thought you were about to die in a plane crash? If so, what do you recall?: Yes repeatedly, only ever briefly, mere seconds. I always think of the book Survivor by James Herbert. Would I rather die, or be the only survivor yet be haunted by the demented disfigured remains of the other victims…? It is only ever a brief flash of thought though – just so happens to be every time there’s even mild turbulence.
Rank in order (favorite to least): Iced coffee, raccoons, McDonald’s, Joe Biden, “Love Actually,” Posh Spice, Clyde Drexler, Wolverhampton, Rubik’s Cube, Snoop Dogg: Iced coffee, McDonalds, Snoop Dogg, racoons, Posh Spice, Rubiks Cube, Wolverhampton (as in the UK…? I presume not!), “Love Actually” (ugh), Joe Biden (not 100% sure who he is, some kind of politician?), I had to look up who Clyde Drexler is, too…
One question you would ask Rebecca Lobo were she here right now? Who are you? Then after a quick Google search—what size are your feet? Maybe not, that’s quite rude.
Three memories from your first-ever date? We don’t really go on dates in England. We get drunk down the pub and then if we’re lucky we get a kebab and if he’s lucky a shag.
In exactly 17 words, make an argument for the music of Madonna: Madonna has done at least two really good songs that can, at times, be good to hear.
What’s the general take of America these days in England?: I don’t really talk about America with people who aren’t American, so I have no idea! Personally, because of moves/TV as a kid the U.S used to fill me with wonder and awe. Now I’m an adult it scares me. Some of your laws are crazy—guns?! Death penalty?! The president is an ego driven, hateful moron; a big joke. Sad! Buuuuut your TV shows are the best, lots of states have legalized weed and you can get alcoholic iced tea … soooooo ...goooooo USA!
What are the top three things men screw up when it comes to understanding women?: 1. They don’t try to understand women in the first place. 2. Or thinking all women are the same and can be understood ‘collectively,’ like a type of breed. 3. Or thinking we are difficult to understand because fundamentally we are ‘different’ to you. Are we? Or are we different because you treat us that way?
Would you rather lick the entire floor of your nearest coffee shop or spend a week locked in a room with Donald Trump? : Donald! I would never ever lick the floor, not even for a million, and I would pay to be in a room with that man for a week. Psychopaths are fascinating, plus I’d love to fuck with his head.
I don’t really get the appeal of Batman. You?: I don’t feel it, but I do get it.